Feelings
and a therapyFeelings are the foundation of all understanding. Feelings are as basic as basic definition and are exchanged in the same way. That is the nature of basic understanding. You must hear it, taste it, smell it, touch it and see it.
If you need help understanding your own feelings or the feelings of someone else or you need to communicate your feelings to someone else, then you may need words that don't exist. This is the story of how I came upon an array of words, a map to understand feelings. The map, the arrangement of the words rather than the words themselves, is the tool. How the map might be used is the therapy.What the tree taught me about feelings.
I wished to help a friend with rage. In my meditation I asked Jesus for help. I had been struggling with the dimensions of feeling. The old man came, not the young Jesus, but the old man who would damn no one. He helped me find the why of it but not the understanding.
The next day was black Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Jesus was not available. He was in hell. So I went to my old friend the tree from before the time I meditated with humanity. I talked to the tree and it showed me.
The mantra to put aside feeling is comfort, serenity, and emptiness.
My friend with rage was suffering from nausea. I asked my friend to use the mantra in hopes that replacing emotional anxiety with serenity would give positive results. My friend could not attain comfort. I then discovered my friend had not eaten for fifteen hours. He refused a cup of soup. When chicken soup is the cure hocus-pocus is not.
I went back to my tree. A worm crawled out of the ground. As the worm crawled toward me I became afraid of him. After a trip of no more than 8 inches I determined that he might crawl upon me. I carefully moved him away with a stick. For a moment I wondered if he felt lost. I wondered if he were afraid to die.
I guessed he did not contemplate life and death. Then I thought of the tree. The tree loses his leaves with all the consideration that I have when I wash away my skin. I was curious to know if the tree contemplated the loss of its root. The earth was our common ground and vibrations were our common communication.
In the back of my mind was, "vibrations ", a thought from a peacemaker. He referenced "truth" as common human vibrations. He was promoting peace through common prayer.
As I departed I hugged the tree and felt vibrations. The hug was a reinforcement I needed in my venture toward healing.
My friend with rage died of anxiety. There was no blame. So that he should not die in vain let me state here what I have learned.
We all have our own feelings. We use words to describe them, yet everyone's feelings are different. Different people would map the same emotion differently. Mapping increases common understanding.
Behavior, attitude and thought (consideration) frequently result in feelings. Feelings frequently cause behavior, attitude and thought. Then sometimes feelings just happen (unless you don't believe in grace). Feelings are what they are.
Consider feelings occurring in the two dimensional plane. One dimension goes from the beast on the top to beauty on the bottom. The other dimension goes from negative on the right to positive on the left.
There are three parameters of feelings. There is the sensual continuum at the top. Its middle is comfort. Its line is----pain -comfort -pleasure. It is all physical sensation. There is the emotional continuum in the middle. Its middle is serenity. Its line is ---depression - serenity-elation. It is how we judge ourselves among other people. There is the spiritual continuum at the bottom. Its middle is emptiness. Its line is ---desire -emptiness -fulfillment. It is about grandeur great enough to make people insignificant. It seems outside our control.
Start with this array of words. Put them on a plane of feelings. Arrange them in a three by three matrix.the beast
pain- -comfort- -pleasure
depression--serenity- -elation
desire- -emptiness - -fulfillment
beautyTry to understand the map.
Consider the emotional parameter. It may be nothing more or less than vanity. Vanity may be nothing more or less than status both as you view yourself and as you believe others view you. Elation may be nothing more than the feeling of being liked. It may also be having more importance, power, sex and money than others. Depression may be no more than the feeling that you don't have as much as others or what you deserve. It may also be the feeling of being disliked. That is the feeling of self-pity.
Consider the physical parameter. Pleasure may be orgasm, tasting, being touched, being warm and smelling. Pain may be nothing more than the feeling of too much pleasure, that is being sore, cut, abraded, burned, frozen, aching, nausea or subject to unpleasant tastes and smells.
Consider the spiritual parameter. Dreaming covers the spiritual dimension. Certainly many dreams are desires. Hope can be seen as desire. Love or belonging can be seen as fulfillment that is ethereal. Prayer and meditation are dream forms. Fulfillment may be nothing more than the feeling of belonging as a result of grace.
Some feelings, attitudes and/or behaviors are easy to map. They fit in one place. I have put a number of them on the same map.the beast
bone breaking pain- itching -comfort- eating - -pleasure orgasm
suicidal depression-melancholy -serenity- - happy- -elation- - joy
despair- - desire- longing- -emptiness -belonging -fulfillment- grace
beautyWhat do external forces made me feel? Sometimes understanding is served by substituting for the words.
the beast
punishment - -freedom - -reward
criticism - -attention - -praise
temptation - -respect - -love
beautyConsider sex. No pragmatic map of feelings is complete without sex. Masturbation, casual sex and lovemaking can be compared. Masturbation is pleasant. Casual sex is elating. Lovemaking is fulfilling.
the beast
pain- -comfort-masturbation
depression --serenity- -casual sex
desire - -emptiness - -lovemaking
beautySometimes understanding can be increased by considering the map to be binary. To indicate the on condition, CAPITALIZE the word.
A child before being told that masturbation is wrong.
the beast
pain- -comfort- -MASTERBATION
depression- -serenity- -elation
desire- -emptiness - -fulfillment
beautyMasturbation accompanied by masturbation shame.
the beast
pain- -comfort- -MASTURBATION
SHAME - -serenity- -elation
desire - -emptiness - -fulfillment
beautyCasual sex accompanied by morality guilt.
the beast
pain- -comfort- -ORGASM
GUILT - -serenity- -SEX
desire - -emptiness --fulfillment
beautyCasual sex by an accomplished adult.
the beast
pain- -comfort- -ORGASM
depression--serenity- -SEX
desire- -emptiness - -fulfillment
beautyThose few lovemakers.
the beast
pain- -comfort- -ORGASM
depression- -serenity- -ELATION
desire- -emptiness - -LOVEMAKING
beautyWhat of my friend who died of rage?
Sometimes understanding is served by rearranging the map.
Anxiety is dimensional confusion. Sensual anxiety is to confuse pain and pleasure without comfort. Emotional anxiety is to confuse elation and depression without serenity. Spiritual anxiety is to confuse desire and fulfillment without emptiness. This changes the two dimensional lines into directional vectors.In anxiety this ( the following)
the beast changes to this (the following)
pain - -comfort --pleasure
depression -- serenity- -elation
desire - -emptiness --fulfillment
beautythe beast
comfort- -pleasure/pain-
serenity- -elation/depression-
emptiness - -fulfillment/desire-
beautySince dimensional confusion is anxiety, the map becomes the following. This is to live in fear.
This is rage. the beast
-comfort- -anxiety -
-serenity- -anxiety -
-emptiness - -anxiety -
beautythe beast
-comfort- -ANXIETY -
-serenity- -ANXIETY -
-emptiness - -ANXIETY -
beautyMorphine or heroin properly administered;
the beast
pain- -COMFORT--pleasure
depression--serenity- -elation
desire- -emptiness --fulfillment
beautyProzac or marijuana, properly administered;
the beast
pain- -comfort - -pleasure
depression--SERENITY- -elation
desire- -emptiness - -fulfillment
beautyRidlin properly administered or payote religiously administered;
the beast
pain- -comfort - -pleasure
depression--serenity - -elation
desire- -EMPTINESS - -fulfillment
beautyToo much of a drug;
the beast
pain- -COMFORT- -pleasure
depression--SERENITY- -elation
desire- -EMPTINESS - -fulfillment
beautyWithdrawal from too much of a drug;
the beast
PAIN - -comfort --PLEASURE
DEPRESSION- serenity- -ELATION
DESIRE - -emptiness --FULFILLMENT
beautycausing dimensional confusion becoming range ;
the beast
-comfort- -ANXIETY -
-serenity- -ANXIETY -
-emptiness - -ANXIETY -
beautyThey called it suicide but it killed my friend.
A therapy
the source7/27/2003
Today I learned from the tree the following. When I say I have learned, I have learned with doubt.
Maybe at age seven I was enlightened with love and free will by the old Jesus. Maybe at age 29 the old Jesus showed me this love and free will again and but this time as the axiom of choice and the theory of unity. Maybe my purpose is to make them useful to others.
It is not my purpose to promote, only to write understandable words from within my taste.
I have come to view Mother Teresa as a model of behavior. I have come to view old Jesus, that Jesus who would damn no one, who, like Buddha, at age 70 understood Zen, Tao and the idea that all paths lead to God, as a proper manifestation of God. I have come to view my mother, my father, Aunt Betty, and Uncle Bob as my Guardian angels. Also I was given some insight into my own map of feeling. This array is not limited to three by three.
I was given the insight that feelings are ethereal and therefore more accurately represented as spatial. The theory of unity applied suggests an array of words (having secondary definitions) placed in a plane and connected by lines specifying continuity. The three by three matrix is a great simplification, yet a good beginning point. To understand this therapy you must first understand the human complex. I would point out that it is not necessary to understand the therapy in order to take the cure.The human complex
I view myself as a set of beliefs, attitudes, considerations and behaviors. My complex is the form of this self-understanding. At the core of my complex are my fundamental beliefs. Surrounding my fundamental beliefs are my attitudes. My attitudes protect both my taste and my fundamental beliefs. Surrounding my attitudes are my tastes and judgments. My tastes are my likes and dislikes. My judgments are simplifications and generalities that I make in order to retain less knowledge or that I keep in order to protect my attitudes. Bounding my tastes and judgments, are my considerations; those unjudged thoughts that have an influence on my behavior. It is here within my considerations that I can change my mind.
My environment surrounds my considerations. I cannot consider all of it. I select parts of it to consider. I might consider that which is, reality, fate, sapient beings, human beings, church members, loved ones, friends, family or just myself. I might choose what to wear or wear the cloths laid out for me. I might refuse to taste spinach or after consideration try it to find out if I like it or not. I choose what to consider. My human complex within the environment reduces to a well functioning chosen unit.The cure
The cure is to introduce the novice to taste, then teach them how to find their own.By placing their behaviors and attitudes onto this map where they think they belong the novices will increase their understanding of their feelings. Next place their considerations onto the map. Expand their considerations for clarity. Considerations are their opening to change.
Novices, make a list of words (or symbols or expressions) which describe your behaviors, attitudes and considerations. The list should be neither long nor short. Stop when you are done. Think about them enough so that you feel you know what they mean but not so much as to become tedious. As a guideline, be done in fifteen minutes.
Begin by reducing your judgment. Let others suggest and you consider as blindly as you trust God. Certainly this will reduce the effects of guilt, shame and self-pity. Without judgment, allow the words you think you understand to take on new meaning. After all you're dealing with feelings that as yet have not been described with the old words.
Meet with the dendocky group. (A group of two to seven people who love each other consisting of novices, journeypeople and observers; such that the novices never outnumber the journeypeople.
Observers are important people in the novice's life.
Express respect and love. Bowing, nodding, smiling and words of greeting are appropriate. Teasing and loud noises are not.
Bow respectfully to each other. Drink water together to cleanse us. Invite God, named as the novice names God, to join us. Touch in some way physically. Make eye contact. Begin the healing meditation "comfort, serenity, emptiness ". If you wish use any appropriate relaxation instructions such as focus on breathing or muscle relaxation et al.
Move your feelings to the center (comfort, serenity, emptiness) so external forces are relatively stronger. If you are the journeyperson, get out of the way. If you are the novice, allow your higher power to overcome you. Allow the eye contact to melt into comfort, serenity and emptiness.
Ending is done by the novice. To end simply see with your eyes into my eyes. Break the physical contact. Raise the water and toast thanking God for his (the gods for their) help. Bow respectfully to each other.
Place any of the words made clear to you on the feelings map. Repeat.
Remember that considerations are the opening to reconstruction. Eventually focus on elaborated considerations and where you place them on the map.
Use authority and affirmation to change consideration into attitude, but do it carefully. Remember authority is only an affirmation maker. (Read "letter to unity"; the burden of affirmation is false declaration)
When the novices unwanted condition is gone, it is expected they be a journeyperson for someone else.more from the tree
8/31/2003
Where did I feel when I visited tree today? Comfort, serenity and fulfillment.
We could not talk in words. It gets easier to be wordless with tree. Tree lacks ignorance.
I was filled with questions. Wonder is to be filled with questions without anxiety. It is elating. The self-flattery is possibly a matter of vanity.
I thought again of the importance of questions, of thought, of consideration. This is the place that gives me much feeling. When I answer a question the consideration becomes an attitude. Rather than behavior and attitude it is thought where change is easiest manifest. It may be the source of all anxiety.
Rather a map of questions opens a realm of feeling that can be manipulated. For example I feel depressed when I question my country's war making. If I don't ask, then I am not depressed by my country's war making. If I ask, then answer, I did in attitude of shame in being a citizen of the United States. It's all a matter of vanity. This brings to me the thought that understanding vanity is pre requisite to exchanging my feelings with others. Tree understands this. Lacking ignorance tree is without judgment.
Steps to change. Locate the bothersome idea. Make a list of all the questions you have about the bothersome idea. Don't bother to answer the questions. Rather place the questions on the feelings map when they belong.What did the tree teach me about feelings?
Tree taught me that the desire to be part is ever satisfied.to return to an index of my considerations click here