Vanity, choice, majesty and
love. 2003 - 2006
A narrative (with
editing) as it was revealed to me in meditation with Tree.
I negotiated with a bug that was
in my space today.
Giving acceptance allows freedom
to others. If you find a bug in your house the problem is that
you have judged the house yours. Because I fear the snake I can
not accept the snake within my house. Judge differently and the
bug and the snake can live in the house and all have freedom.
When I do not judge anything
mine, I sit among friends.
It is a beautiful day. Yet
the beauty is the emptiness. By accepting but not possessing the
emptiness I sit among friends.
10/3/2003
Emptiness is without vanity and
sensation. Yet by naming the place my own self-importance brings
vanity to me.
Before Lao Tsu was asked to write
the “Tao Te Ching“, Tao was unnamed. By doing as described in the
“Tao Te Ching Two“, "work is done, then forgotten”, he may have escaped
vanity. Having desire, I do not.
By being named emptiness is
communicatable even though by being named it is lessened. Reality
lies in the named as in “The theory of unity and the axiom of choice
“. It quantifies and qualifies the unbounded Essence into finite
subsets of the All.
10/6/2003
I am not ready to be holy (or
empty called hole or whole) for I desire to express myself. This serves
my vanity.
I am not happy. I am not
sad. Mostly I am serene. Yet I have desire, not just for
fulfillment, but for self-expression from which would come elation and
depression. And this is vanity.
The tree has taught me
emptiness. The tree has taught me I lack emptiness. The theory of
unity and the axiom of choice taught me I lack emptiness by my own
choosing. I choose by naming.
I come to sit with tree today
filled with different food. I have eaten fats, proteins and
carbohydrates rather than fiber. I witness a change in my whole
body. I feel bloated (bloated lies between pain and comfort).
It is my responsibility to pay
attention to my body. Responsibility is a desire to please
myself. It is a vanity. I live in vanity. I live in the
all.
To be part as in love or part of it all?
I came to tree with an agenda of
peace and negation. Vanity was interfering. To add to
it people appeared. The people were like the worm that frightened me by
its presence. I could not move them aside with a stick like I had
done with the worm. My communion is fragile yet my witness is
real.
I recalled last Saturday asking a
friend (who also is a priest) to touch me on my sore neck and feel
grateful. I recalled that I prayed for a friend under the knife
on Monday afternoon. I recalled Tuesday afternoon telling a
friend (who also is a shaman) that I was putting aside developing my
healing skills (for now). I recalled that healing and miracles
were in the Tao group conversation. I have witnessed a series of
low probability events, this after putting aside the desire to heal.
Through my vanity they are
related. Through my vanity I see them as beautiful. Through vanity I
view healing as moral. Through spirituality I view healing as
amoral. This is one small part of my vanity.
Choosing my groups
There are two choices upon which
I place importance. They are myself and everything. The essence
of everything and the essence of myself are the same. The path from
myself to everything through the manifestations is of my choosing. Then
the path of all manifestations is circular connected through the
essence.
One continuum between everything
and myself is the human path. I make judgments at every subset.
That which I do not consider I exclude. This exclusion can be
overcome by others bringing an excluded people to my attention. Once I
judge them as human they become included. I might make a general
judgment of the importance of humanity. I might not. In my
case, I judge humanity important.
I choose my
groups. I choose real groups. I choose according to my
taste. I choose to promote (a level of influence) the end of
killing (a judgment) between people (the chosen group is humanity).
This makes me opposed to war and capital punishment. Because I
doubt, I may change my mind.
I might have chosen to
violate (a level of influence) the oppressors (a judgment) of Americans
(the chosen group is Americans).
If I were to choose
everything, then living would involve inescapable violation, for by
eating the corn I violate the earth. If I hold very still, take the
smallest sustenance, do nothing more than necessary for existence and
judge nothing then I realize the Lao Tsu sage (as I choose to
understand his poems). I choose to live between the fodder and
the sage.
The emptiness, the abyss, the
chaos, the essence of Tao is beautiful. Its order, which also is
itself, is called random. It is amoral. It is sensed in passing.
The order of the all is said,
manifested, created and always present. It is the result of a
process described in” the Creation of Order“. It is done using
continuum, and betweeness (and more) to separate into finite units from
the infinite abyss. The union of all units is the all of Tao. It is the
existing world.
Judgment lies within my
manifested world. That which I do, I judge. It is a
character in the all.
To sense beauty stay in the
declaration but keep your doubt. Declaration is the center.
Doubt will remove judgment from declaration. Then, in contemplation
(doing nothing) you will be without judgment/no judgment (called
“principle “in “the creation of order”). With question and without the
need to judge you will be ready to feel the passing. You will
question without answer. This is the beginning.
9/11/2004
With desire to damp my political
anger I visited tree. I asked for comfort and serenity again and
again. But when it was time to say emptiness I said majesty.
I looked at the growth of tree as
beauty and was struck by majesty. In wonder I asked “is majesty
mistaken or true?”
I noticed that rather than comfort I
felt the pleasure of a gentle breeze. Rather than serenity I was
elated by vanity in the ease of which I laid aside my anger. Rather
than emptiness my desire was fulfilled by majesty. I asked “when
majesty fulfills desire is emptiness gone? “
When you have the vanity of an
external God, then God’s touching gives majesty. I touched
the understanding of those who strive for peace as fulfillment rather
than live within life. Like a drug you quickly lust for more.
But Tao varies. It is enough to
wonder. It is to be more or less.
5/28/2005
I began by speaking allowed. I
knew that by calling I was vain. I noted that tree may not
call. I put words aside and felt the breeze and
smelled the odors. Without calling myself man I was tree and tree was I
and we were everything.
A fly landed upon my leg. I was
wordless. I did not feel his touch. I was free to be the
fly. I freely twitched and moved. I was fly, tree, myself and
everything. Once again I wondered, "Is majesty mistaken or true?"
When I left I hugged the tree as
I always do. I was hugged in return.
From this I knew that it was not
that I was in love with God but rather that I was living in love.
Only my vanity kept me apart. My identity, my vanity, may be the
only thing that ends with my death.
Further, I knew that my vanity
was the nature of my self. It was my nature to embrace my vanity
for as long as I live in the same way that I embraced the fly, without
judgment.
The Grandeur of my Insignificance
I am everything. That’s
what I choose and that is grand. However, I am the teeniest spec of
everything.
My reality is bounded by the
walls of the room (Out of sight, out of reality). I am aware only
of my integration of all the gravitations that are changing within very
small boundaries. If you don’t change at the same speed of time as me
you are not part of my reality. Not only that, but the change
between us must be different by the time it takes time to get from you
to me. That excludes all but the most infinitesimal.
The only other stuff there is, is
my consciousness. That only includes what I have recorded.
If you walk out of the room you walk out of my reality but remain in my
consciousness. If a particle zooms through the room and I record
it through some strange means it becomes part of my
consciousness. If it changes too fast for me I never know of it.
The question remains, "is majesty
mistaken or true? ". Is the strength of what I feel a just
cause for what I believe?
I visited tree today. Without
words there is only majesty.
With the sun bright in my face
and with my eyes closed I saw red with sparkles. No words, I felt
warm majesty.
The sun went behind a cloud and I
saw blue with snowflakes. No words, I felt cool majesty.
As I came back to words I asked
tree to speak. I could not believe tree’s first words and have
forgotten them. There was a second reference to “the green pages
of the Bible”. I have no words to find meaning in any of
this. I know I felt majesty.
“In the beginning there was the
Word”. Green is the color of the beginning. It is the color
of creation at the time of creation.
“In the beginning there was the Word”.
Before words the Word was
the word given as covenant as in “I give you my word”. Then in that
time before words there was the bond between me as every person and God
as everything. The relationship, the belonging, the bond, that is
exactly “Love“.
“In the beginning there was love”.
From love each child creates
reality by the process as described in “the tools to peacemaking
conversation, basic definition”. The child chooses units. This is
where words come from. This is how the consciousness integrates that
which is (the essence) into reality.
The process we call “creation” is the
same process as done by a child but credited to the manifestation of
everything. Then to understand how “God” created “the universe”
understand how the child chooses his units. That is understand
the axiom of choice and the theory of unity as used by each child as he
learns to speak.
All things (the all) come from
the love of God (the essence). Things are nonexistent.
Love, the covenant between the all and the essence, the Word before
words, exists.
Rather than green pages of the
Bible being the Christian Bible it is the relationship, the covenant,
love. It is love.
The forgotten words of the tree
come back. The forgotten words of the tree were “the
Bible”. Not just the Christian Bible but every bible's
covenant. All bibles as one message. That one message is
love.
Since in the beginning we
belonged, it is easiest to begin by belonging. This is also the
beginning.
1/11/2006
I visited tree today. I was able
to empty my mind and feel. Then word descriptions of my feelings
entered me. The parameters for understanding the common usage word “
love “ seem to be, grace(from the essence) and karma(from the all). The
independent variables of the parameters seem to be how we choose our
belonging and our chosen groups.
The words were manifestations of
my feelings. They shaped where and how I felt. The process more
than required judgment, it was judgment.
Before leaving I
hugged and kissed tree. Being of empty mind, I felt majesty. Then I
manifested the feeling by calling it love.
Is majesty mistaken or true?